It Takes an Ocean not to Break
by present.tense
Summary: It's pathetic really; sitting alone while the girl you're in love with waits by the bed of her epic love pleading for him to wake up. Post 5x10 DB
1. Chapter 1

**AN**

This is a short prologue to get the story started. I'm not familiar with writing about such a subject, but I'm hoping that I'll learn along the way and I won't offend anyone.

I'm sure there are many stories that already have the same subject matter, so please review so I can know if there's any demand for one more.

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p>Dan sits in the hospital waiting area alone. He has no idea what time it is, or how long he has been there but he knows that he is unable to move from where he is.<p>

It's surprising how used to a hospital you can become. The clean white walls don't scare him like they used to. And he no longer wants to gag when he takes in a breath of disinfected air. He can't tell if it's because he has become accustomed to his surroundings or that there's a broken girl in the next room that he can't get his mind off of.

It's pathetic really; sitting alone while the girl you're in love with waits by the bed of her epic love pleading for him to wake up. He's sure there's a story in there somewhere.

He'd seen her for a short moment. And he swears he caught her eye for an even shorter moment. It's between her being squeezed by a hysterical Serena and Nate declaring that he'll find each last paparazzi member that did this to his two best friends. Dan's standing at the back of her hospital room, careful not to intrude on her moment with her childhood friends. The moment their eyes meet lasts half a second. He thinks he might have even imagined it.

He's never been more sure that he's in love with her until he sees her on the hospital bed. The pillows envelope her and blood is drying through the cloth wrapped around her delicate head. And yet, he's never seen her look so strong.

He feels regret at not being able to tell her his feelings earlier in the day. And yet; why can't he now?

It's when she asks about Chuck that he gets his answer.

Serena's eyes water up as she explains to her that Chuck hasn't woken up, and that he lost a lot of blood. Blair calls her doctor in then, and orders to be able to sit by Chuck's side until he wakes up (Dan knows there's a part of her hoping that Chuck will wake up because of her). After a few minutes of argument, the doctor finally relents to her demands. Blair Waldorf was always good at getting her way. If only Dan could find a way to get his.

Nate had taken Serena home after that, and Dan had told them that he would be leaving soon as well. But here he sits, hours later, alone in the waiting room of a hospital.

He's not sure what he's waiting for, only that he hopes that it will come.

* * *

><p>He wakes up to a scurry of doctors running into Chuck's hospital room. He tries to ask what's happening but he gets pushed away each time. He tries to glimpse inside the room to see what the commotion is about. He expects to hear loud beeps coming from Chuck's monitor, but instead he manages to hear the doctor utter one word that causes Dan to freeze.<p>

_Miscarriage._


	2. Chapter 2

**AN**

Title of the story taken from The National's _Terrible Love_.

Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter. I hope you enjoy this one. I apologise if this story seems like a slow burner, I'm just trying not to rush the angsty bits. Don't forget to review!

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p><em>Clair Carlyle knew she was born to be queen.<em>

_She had known since she was 6 years old when she was able to turn the whole grade against Jessica Freedman for accidentally spilling some of her cordial on Clair's left shoe. She had known since her mother bought her her first headband, which she wore as a crown. _

_She walked around the courtyard connecting Florence School for Girls and St Joes School for Boys like it was her castle and ruled over the students like they were her minions._

_But to Dylan Hunter, lowly peasant, she was more of a tyrant._

'_I'd like to thank everyone who voted me president of Florence's sophomore year,' Clair announces as Dylan sits quietly at the back of the assembly hall. She is the picture of perfection. Her uniform is hemmed and trimmed flawlessly, not a crease in sight. Her chestnut curls bounce freely on her shoulders in a way that could only be achieved through hours of labour. He wonders how early she must wake up to become so picture perfect, and how she still manages to look like she had a full night's rest at the same time._

'_I will do anything in my power to make Florence a better school, and a better community,' she adds as the school applauds. She walks to her seat on stage, which Dylan regards as her newly appointed throne. _

_Everyone knew that the only reason Clair was able to win the election was due to the fact that she threatened and frightened all chances of an opponent away. She ruled through fear, and as much as Dylan would hate to admit it; fear worked._

_Clair Carlyle represented everything he resented about the Upper East Side. And so when she passes him in the hallway, her posse of complementary imitators trailing behind her, he is sure to stand out of her way. He won't kiss her feet, but he's smart enough to know what happens to those that offend the queen._

* * *

><p>It's strange to see Blair in a tiny white bed that still manages to engulf her. She's sitting in her hospital gown, now in her own room, as the sounds of Chuck's machines in the room next to her beep in a constant rhythm.<p>

Dan pulls a seat next to her bed, careful not to touch any wires coming out of her arms or going through computers or respirators or things he doesn't quite understand, and is not sure he wants to understand either. She hasn't looked at him the whole time he took to walk from the door to the chair, which he swears was the longest moment in his life.

'I called your mother in Paris,' he tells her, 'she said that she, your father, Cyrus and Roman are coming on the first flight back. Serena and Nate should be here any second,' he pauses as she doesn't respond. 'How are you fee—'

'Humphrey...' she cuts him off in a broken voice. He reaches for her hand but she pulls away from him instantly, 'I just want to be alone.'

'Oh,' he tries to hide the hurt in his voice as he responds, 'Okay. Let me know if you need anything.' He slowly leaves her bedside then, hoping that she might ask him to stay, but knowing that she won't. He doesn't leave the hospital though; just continues to sit outside her room. Although he is hurt that she doesn't want him there, he knows that this isn't about him.

So he sits outside her room, ready to be there for her when she needs him; if she needs him. He falls asleep to the sound of two sets of heartbeats coming out of her and Chuck's rooms. A few hours ago, there were three.

He doesn't realise that no one has called her fiancé; the father of the baby just lost.

* * *

><p>The lights of the hospital blind her and the sounds of the machines make her restless. So she carefully gets up and leaves the room behind, hoping that she can also leave behind the haunting cries of a baby that doesn't exist.<p>

She walks past Chuck's room and heads down the hall, failing to notice another dark haired boy silently sleeping on a chair out of her view. She ends up at the hospital chapel.

Blair has never been religious. She never liked the idea of sticking to a code of rules that would hinder her from doing the things she loved; scheming and cheating and sinning. In fact, if you look up the seven deadly sins, it would be fairly obvious that Blair Waldorf had never been a follower of God.

She wouldn't be surprised if lightning struck as soon as she walked into the chapel room. But she enters anyway, finding peace in the darkness of her surroundings.

She finds herself kneeling at a pew, entwining her fingers and bringing them close to her chin.

'Please God,' she starts, 'you have my baby. You can't take Chuck too.'

'If you exist... let him live. I prom—,' she stops then, staring at a flickering candle at the front of the silent room. It dies out as she watches, causing the room to fall into a deeper darkness.

She had lost her child not long ago, and might just lose Chuck as well. Blair stands up then, straightening the robe that hangs off her strained shoulders. This is her punishment, she thinks. There's no scheming or making pacts to get out of this.

No, Blair Waldorf has never been religious. She has lied and manipulated her way through life. And now she must face the consequences.

* * *

><p>She wakes up to find Serena by her bedside reading a copy of <em>Inside<em>. Serena looks up when Blair shuffles slightly in the uncomfortable hospital bed.

'B, you're awake. I'm so sorry,' Serena says as she takes Blair into a hug.

It's strange. This feeling of indifference when you've lost something that was supposed to be part of you for the rest of your life. One day, you're supposed to be a mother, and the next you're back to being who you were before you cared about something that was growing inside you.

'How's Chuck?' Blair asks, ignoring Serena's sympathy.

'Blair, I know you must be devastated at the moment. Don't swallow your emotions,' Serena tries to reason with her.

'How can I be devastated at something that really didn't exist, Serena?' She knows Serena is only trying to help. But Blair can't be weak. She had never wanted a child in the first place; not with Louis or with Chuck. She had been forced to accept her pregnancy, even pretended to be excited about it with Louis. So she wasn't going to wallow over something she never wanted.

'How's Chuck?' She repeats, trying to forget that her unborn child ever existed.

Serena gives out a small sigh, knowing that she won't be able to get through to Blair when she's in denial-mode, 'He hasn't woken up yet. The doctors say he's stable for the moment; they just have to wait until he wakes up to know the full extent of his injuries.'

Blair nods to her best friend then, 'Stable is good,' she tries to convince herself. Serena gives her a small smile and squeezes Blair's hand tightly.

'Yeah,' Serena replies in a small voice, trying her best to smile for Blair despite the circumstances, 'Stable is good.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p><em>The first time he meets Sabrina Von Sloneker is in their freshman year of high school. Katrina Faulkner throws a party in her brother's new apartment and invites the whole of Florence and St Joe's freshman classes hoping that it'll get her famous in the first week of school. It does in the end, but that's mostly because the neighbours call the police and Katrina's brother loses his apartment in his third week of owning it. In the end, it's a success, and it earns Katrina a spot as one of Clair's top minions.<em>

_Dylan doesn't know exactly why he was invited, but he has to say that Upper East Side parties are everything he imagined and more. There are girls dancing on tables and guys taking shots from girls' belly buttons. In the next room, he spots Charlie Trout snorting a line of white powder off Genevieve Snare's thigh. _

_It's surreal really, and Dylan imprints the myriad of images to memory. He writes 'the dichotomies of real and fantasy intertwine' and 'discourse of elitism' into his small black Moleskine notebook, binding his various ideas into a coherent story. Not one person has acknowledged him the whole night, but he wasn't going to let this invite go to waste. There's inspiration all around him and he smiles as he watches a drunk girl fall off a table into the arms of a very pleased looking boy; 'juxtaposition of fairytale and the carnivalesque,' he scribbles messily._

_He's busy jotting down more ideas when someone bumps into him from behind. He can feel moisture on the back of his shirt with what he hopes is some sort of alcoholic beverage and not toilet water he saw the lacrosse team put into water balloons._

'_Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!' Dylan hears as he turns see a drunken Sabrina Von Sloneker looking apologetic. It's a scene of a movie really; popular girl bumps (literally) into unpopular boy from school at a party, witty banter, sexual chemistry and then happily ever after. It's what Dylan Hunter can only dream of, and how he wakes with ruined sheets in the morning._

_If only he could actually put an articulate sentence together in front of the blonde in front of him. _

'_I'm Sabrina,' she announces with a beaming smile, which he can't help but fall for._

'_Dylan,' he is able to respond and he mentally pats himself on the back for the courage he took to say one word to her._

_The thing about Sabrina Von Sloneker is that she is striking and stunning and scenic and splendid and sexy. She's perfection on two long legs that go for days. Everyone is hypnotised by her, and Dylan is not immune to this. She grabs the attention of everyone in the room, simply through her contagious laugh. Sabrina Von Sloneker is a fantasy._

'_Listen Dennis,' she says sloppily, 'I'm hiding from my friend.' She takes her index finger to her mouth and giggles out a 'Shhh,' and Dylan forgets to correct her about his name because he's staring at her red lipstick which make her lips look oh so inviting._

'_She's being a total buzz kill.' Sabrina continues, 'So will you help me hide?'_

_He's about to agree to do anything she says when they're interrupted by a stern voice, 'S, I did three laps of this party looking for you and you owe me for all the horrors I've had to witness.' Dylan turns to see a very annoyed Clair Carlyle coming up to them._

'_Clair! Meet my friend Dennis!' Sabrina exclaims while hugging him. _

_Clair pulls Sabrina away and stares daggers at Dylan while muttering something about plaid and Urban Outfitters that he doesn't quite understand._

'_Bye Dennis!' Sabrina calls out to him._

_Sabrina ends up being the only person in the party to talk to him all night. He considers this a great success._

_He writes a story about the party later. He writes of blonde hair and long legs, of infectious giggles and sunny smiles. He fails to mention a hostile best friend._

_It's at Katrina Faulker's freshman party that Dylan Hunter meets Sabrina Von Sloneker. But perhaps more importantly, it is at this party that Clair Carlyle discovers that Dylan Hunter exists._

* * *

><p>When Serena finally walks out of Blair's room, Dan is quick to his feet.<p>

'How is she?'

'She's...' Serena starts, trying to find the right word to describe her best friend at the moment. 'She's being Blair. She doesn't want to talk about losing the baby. She's worried about Chuck. She's not opening up.' Tears start to well up in Serena's eyes as she stands there holding her arms close. She seems to be waiting for him to do or say something. And yet he's not sure as to what.

'You should go home Dan.' Serena finally tells him but it's the last thing he wants to do. There's a tone in her voice that he can't quite catch.

'I can't Serena. Not while I know she's in that bed.'

Dan can never reject the role of being the knight in shining armour. It's the reason why Serena and him have always had their ups and downs. When Serena needs him, he's not far away. It's easy to be the knight in shining armour when your damsel in distress comes looking for you.

But it's different with Blair. It's not about being her knight or her prince. It's about being her equal. He's there for Blair because he wants to be. He doesn't want to fix her; he wants to help her pick up the pieces so she can finish the puzzle herself.

'Look Dan, she doesn't want any visitors at the moment. She barely wants me in there with her. I've called Louis and he should be here any second. It's not your place to worry.' Serena tells him with pity in her eyes.

He knows Serena is right. It isn't his place to worry. Blair has never wanted him; such glories are reserved for the Louis Grimaldis and Chuck Basses of the world.

He reluctantly agrees to go home, telling Serena to call him if there are any updates.

* * *

><p>Louis comes into her room in the middle of the night. She hears him pull up a chair and feels him take her hand. He whispers three little words into the darkness and she's surprised when she finds little solace in them. She feigns sleep and pulls her hand away when she hears his light even snores.<p>

She dreams of fairytales that night. She's up in the highest room of a tall tower that is quickly burning to the ground. She can feel the heat of the fire scorching her skin as the smoke starts to suffocate her. She looks out the window to see her prince yelling for her to jump into his arms. She looks behind her to find any other way out but the fire roars louder. Her prince yells again and she climbs onto the window edge, holding onto the burning wall that threatens to collapse any second. She looks down to her prince below her, his face unrecognisable as just a blur and takes a deep breath, ready to jump. She feels herself falling as she takes the leap, hair flying across her face. She never lands.

She wakes up with a jolt and finds her actual prince beside her. He's still asleep, undisturbed by her nightmares.

He stirs a few minutes later and she watches as his eyes adjust to the light. He turns and notices that she is awake, 'Blair,' he says quietly like even her name is a delicate detail.

She remains quiet, not sure what to say. A couple of days ago, she was ready to run away to become a family with Chuck. She had given up Louis and her princess fairytale. And yet here she sits, a fiancé beside her and a lover who may not wake up in the next room.

'I'm sorry,' she manages to say. Louis deserves much more than her. He deserves someone who will be loyal and faithful; someone who truly loves him.

'There is nothing to be sorry for Blair,' he tells her in his heavy accent. 'We have all the time in the world to start a family.'

It breaks her heart when he reassures her, because she was willing to take that family away from him not long ago.

'I slept with Chuck,' she says and she's surprised at how void of emotion her voice is.

Louis' shoulders become rigid and he pulls his hand away from hers like it burns. She's the one setting fire to the tower she's already trapped in, sealing her own fate.

'And I was ready to run away with him. I was going to raise your baby with him.'

Louis has forgiven her for many things in the past. But she knows this is not one of them. She isn't surprised when he leaves the room quickly; isn't surprised when Serena tells her that he has left the country soon after. She receives a call from an employee of the royal family that afternoon to tell her that she and Louis are officially over.

She doesn't shed a tear. In fact, she has barely shed a tear since the accident, even after losing her baby.

Blair had always been a cold bitch. She doesn't blame the world for wanting to watch her burn.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p><em>Dylan Hunter officially meets Clair Carlyle on a Tuesday morning. <em>

_His sister, Frankie, now recruited as one of Clair's minions wakes him up at 5:30 in the morning. It's still dark outside and school doesn't start for another three hours so he groans in Frankie's direction and attempts to push her away without opening his eyes._

'_Dylan,' Frankie whines and turns on the light in the room._

_When he doesn't respond, she declares, 'Violet has come back from Vermont!'_

_His eyes snap open immediately and he quickly jumps out of bed looking for a clean t-shirt. His search is interrupted when Frankie announces, 'Great! Now that you're up, I need your help.'_

_She's sitting on her bed, a sweet smile on her face and puppy dog eyes blinking quickly in succession. He can't find it in himself to be mad at her for waking him up so early because a sense of relief fills him when he knows that his former best friend, Violet, who left when he told her he loved her, is not in fact back from Vermont._

'_What is it Frankie?' he asks in an aggravated tone._

'_As you know,' she says bluntly, 'I've come down with the flu.' She adds a small sneeze to add to the effect. 'I promised Clair Carlyle I would pick up a book she placed on order from a bookstore in the East Village and now I'm too sick to get to school, let alone catch the 6 train.'_

_Ever since Frankie had become one of Clair's minions, the tyrant had her carrying out miserable tasks and running useless errands. He had watched from afar, observing Frankie become more and more like a slave and had been unable to do anything about it._

'_Frankie, I'm sure it's not the end of the world if Clair Carlyle doesn't get her book. Besides, I don't know why she can't do it herself,' he lectures his sister._

'_She has to be at debating at 7am.'_

'_You know her schedule?' Dylan asks incredulously._

'_We had a test about it at the start of the year.' Frankie replies like the notion is not at all absurd._

_Dylan does not understand how a 95 pound unlikeable 16 year old girl is able to command a bunch of subordinates to do her bidding. And how, a smart girl like his sister could actually be one of these subordinates._

'_I'm not bringing her highness a book she can easily get herself... or get her paid maid to do for her.'_

'_But I promised her Dylan! I've worked extremely hard to get to the fourth step at lunch. And you could even get a book for yourself while you're there.' Frankie begs him and he finds it difficult to say no when he was actually going to buy a copy of the new Jonathan Tropper book that afternoon anyway._

* * *

><p><em>She's sitting in the courtyard when he finds her, tapping her feet like he's wasting her time. It's too early for other students to have already arrived, but Clair sits at the table scribbling into a notebook, a History book open in front of her. She looks taken aback when she sees him, but her eyes quickly fall back to indifference.<em>

'_Where's Frankie?' She asks him with an irritated tone._

'_She's sick with the flu. I'm her brother, D—'_

'_No need for pleasantries Dylan Hunter. Did you get the book or do I have to listen to Mrs Gretton pretend like she knows something in class?' Clair asks in a huff._

_He's surprised to find out she knows his name, and is actually afraid to ask as to why. She must sense his uneasiness though because she adds, 'Before recruiting a minion, you must always know their background,' she says straightforwardly. 'Frankie Hunter, brother named Dylan, lives in...' she pauses, her face turning into one of disgust, 'Brooklyn.'_

'_Great,' Dylan declares, 'you know my name and my postcode. Did you know I'm a Capricorn as well? We might be compatible,' he adds sarcastically._

_She eyes him warily, placing her pen down and straightening her shoulders; anything to make him look and feel like he knows she's the one in power in this situation._

'_Star signs are for the desperate Hunter,' she tells him with all the authority in the world. 'Besides, the only way we could ever be compatible would be if I fell off the face of the earth. Because that's obviously where you're from.'_

_He can't help the laugh that escapes him from her words. The girl has wit, he'll give her that. He reaches into his bag and takes out her book, placing it on the table like it's a peace offering._

'_Your highness,' he adds with a slight bow. He doesn't miss the way her eyes light up when she sees the book, her hand automatically reaching out to touch the lettering on the cover._

_He waits for a thank you, but it never comes. He's about to leave until she interrupts him, 'Tell Frankie she's sitting on the third step tomorrow... if she's feeling better, of course.'_

_He doesn't understand the politics of Clair and her minions, but discerns that the third step is figuratively and literally a step up from Frankie's previous achievement of the fourth step, so he nods in Clair's direction, accepting the promotion on his sister's behalf. _

'_You know,' he tells her as he gets up, 'this book is good and all, but his second one is much better; highly underrated compared to his debut.'_

_Clair stares at him with curious eyes for a long moment, and he fears he may just be punished for speaking out of term. He looks around the courtyard for witnesses for his possible murder but still finds it empty._

'_Your suggestion is noted,' she finally replies, and he thinks there's a hint of gratitude in her tone. 'Now if you don't mind, I have to figure out a way to disinfect this book from your Brooklyn germs.'_

* * *

><p>Blair doesn't pick up when he calls her a number of times. He doesn't blame her considering the circumstances.<p>

Serena visits him on his third restless night.

'She left the hospital yesterday,' she tells him as he pours himself a cup of dark coffee. 'I don't know what to do Dan. She doesn't want to talk about what happened.' She reaches out for him and buries her face into his chest. He hesitates at first but holds onto her, unsure of what else to do.

'You just have to wait,' he says, but he can't tell if he's trying to convince Serena or himself. They stand there for a while, Serena's tears soaking his shirt. He thinks of Blair and how easily she can fall into her denial mode. He had thought that she might at least open up to Serena, but the blonde showing up at the loft shows him otherwise. He pleads for Chuck to wake up; the only thing that could possibly cause Blair to break down her walls.

'Dan,' Serena says vulnerably and pulls her head away from his chest, but still holding onto his arms like she can't let go. She's staring into his eyes then, and her face comes closer to his as she closes her eyes. It all becomes slow motion as he pulls away slightly and watches the way her eyes fall as she looks away dejected.

'Listen Serena,' he starts, trying to reason to her, 'I know you're feeling helpless at the moment. But we can't do this.'

'Do you love her?' she asks him softly.

'I do,' he replies, surprised at how sure he sounds and feels about it.

'She doesn't feel the same way Dan. You know she has Chuck and Louis. She doesn't need you to make—'

'I know,' he interrupts. 'I know she doesn't feel the same way. I know she will never feel the same way. But that doesn't mean that I can just forget how I feel,' he tries to explain.

'I guess I know what you mean about unreciprocated love,' she says softly to herself.

'I'm sorry Serena,' Dan apologises.

She leaves shortly after, just as disheartened as when she entered. Dan feels an ache in his heart when she closes the door behind her, realising that this must be the official end that is the saga of Dan Humphrey and Serena van der Woodsen. She had been such a large part of his life in the past; Serena had been his first love. But that feeling no longer exists.

He finds it difficult to think of a time when everything had been about Serena and Blair wasn't a significant part of his life. And yet, he wouldn't take back his time with Serena.

It's strange how love can feel so unique with a different person.

* * *

><p>He's lying in his bed fully awake, even though it's past midnight, when he hears soft knocking at his front door. He wonders if he should answer it, thinking it might be a robber checking if anyone is present in the building they're about to burgle. Dan's hand is already turning the knob to open the door when he realises that opening the door to a criminal might not be the best idea in the world.<p>

He's shocked to find an impeccable (but when is she not) Blair Waldorf standing in his doorway. He rubs his eyes, thinking that he actually must have fallen asleep.

'You said not long ago,' she starts with an apprehensive voice, 'that when I lost everything...' Blair looks away, holding back tears that are threatening to fall.

'You'll still have me,' he finishes for her, opening the door more widely so she can step in.

She walks in and takes a seat on his couch on the spot he now reserves for her as he makes her a cup of chamomile tea. He joins her shortly after, making sure to keep his distance and not invade her personal space. She leans closer to him on her own accord though, resting her head on his shoulder, and he can't help the way his heart jumps at the contact. He stays calm though, holding onto her like she could disappear in any second.

'Louis is gone. He left when I told him about Chuck. And I've lost a baby I never truly wanted,' she tells him as she clings into his shirt.

He draws patterns on her back, hoping that it'll sooth her. 'You're Blair Waldorf,' he says reassuringly, 'you'll get through this.'

'That's the thing,' she says, leaning back. 'Everything I've lost; it's because I'm me. It's just the way the universe comes around because of all the horrible things I've done in the past.'

'And what about everything else?' he asks her. 'What about how you've helped everyone you've cared about? You've done nothing to deserve what's happening Blair. It's just...' he pauses, trying to find the right words to say.

'It doesn't matter,' she says, ignoring his words of encouragement. 'I was going to take Louis' baby and be with Chuck. And I took advantage of both of them. What if Chuck never wakes up? It'll be my entire fault.' Her eyes are pleading with his, her overwhelming shame and guilt filling the air.

'You did nothing wrong. None of this is your fault. You were only following your heart.' She nods at his words, trying to convince herself that what he's saying is true.

'Chuck will wake up,' he tries to say with confidence, and he truly believes it. If he's sure of one thing, it's that Chuck Bass loves Blair Waldorf. And Dan is convinced that there is no way that Chuck would give up on her happiness.

'Thanks Humphrey,' she whispers and leans back into him.

'You can't lose sight of who you are,' he says into the darkness, hoping that she'll listen.

* * *

><p>In a hospital bed on the other side of the city, a pair of dark eyes slowly open, adjusting to the dim light of the night.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p><em>It's difficult to find the right words to describe Charlie Trout. Everyone knew about him of course; he was famous on the Upper East Side, not only because he came from the richest family in the school, but purely due to his reputation. He was a womaniser, a manipulator, a pest. New York City was his zoo and everyone around him was merely his prey.<em>

_Dylan had only met him a handful of times, never of his own will. He even thinks he remembers Charlie Trout catching the same bus in their freshman year. But he questions the memory, laughing off the idea of Charlie on a public bus. _

_In their handful of encounters, Dylan can only conclude that the reputation of Charlie Trout was not an understatement and was indeed, completely accurate. _

_Now in their third month of dating, Dylan had heard many stories of Sabrina's past. He found it hard not to notice that Charlie Trout featured largely in such stories, encouraging and even initiating various outrageous events. Most of them Dylan would like to forget; tales of her troubled indiscretions and shameless recklessness making his life seem an absolute bore. He had overlooked her questionable past, however, a mistake that would later greatly impact on their relationship. But that's a story for another day._

_Dylan was thus thrown into the world of the Upper East Side without any warning. People started recognising him at school, and he was invited to lavish parties that individually cost more than his family's home. _

_Sabrina's mother, Lucille, had recently become engaged with Charlie Trout's father, Abel, much to the disgust of Sabrina who was forced to live in the same penthouse as the infamous playboy. Their engagement party was a huge event and Dylan found himself to be Sabrina's plus one._

'_You look fine, so will you please stop fidgeting?' Sabrina teases him as they stand in a room full of Manhattan's highest elite._

'_I think I just saw the mayor,' Dylan exclaims. 'Wait... is that Burt Bacharach?'_

_His celebrity sightings are interrupted when Charlie Trout blocks his line of vision. 'Ah, my sister and her charity case. How are you both enjoying this swell evening?' Charlie drawls as he nurses a glass of scotch; his signature drink._

'_Ugh, Charlie,' Sabrina rolls her eyes. 'We're not related yet. And never by blood thank God!'_

'_And while we're thanking God, I'd like to take a moment to thank Him for this dress that is hugging each and every one of your curves oh so perfectly,' Charlie says smarmily._

_Dylan scoffs at the way Charlie takes in Sabrina's appearance. 'You do know her boyfriend is standing right here right?'_

'_Ah, a detail I find easy to overlook,' Charlie replies with an air of indifference._

_He gives a smirk in Dylan's direction that quickly vanishes when Clair Carlyle comes up to them. Dylan doesn't miss the way Charlie straightens his shoulders when she appears._

'_Trout, where have you been? Pandora's second cousin has just arrived. Let's get this show on the road!' she declares, failing to notice Sabrina and Dylan._

'_C, please tell me you don't have a scheme planned for tonight!' Sabrina exclaims as Clair turns towards her, quickly putting on her society mask like she wasn't just plotting the destruction of a poor girl who probably accidently sneezed in Clair's direction._

'_Sabrina! And Brooklyn,' she adds her nickname for him as though it were a curse. She turns to Serena and adds, 'You know the only reason Pandora's essay won that competition is because she did questionable favours for the judge. This is purely justice.'_

'_More like vengeance,' Dylan mutters under his voice, but immediately regrets it when Clair turns to him with fire in her eyes._

'_If I recall correctly, Hunter, someone's essay about class division didn't even get an honourable mention,' she sneers and Dylan quickly closes his mouth, admitting defeat._

_She motions for Charlie to follow her and leaves quickly, her victim oblivious to what is about to transpire._

'_Charlie,' Sabrina adds before he can follow Clair, 'please don't wreck mom and Abel's engagement party.'_

'_Don't worry sis,' Charlie tells her with a large grin growing on his face. 'The only wrecking happening tonight will be Pandora Regent's pristine reputation.'_

_He toasts in their direction and leaves in the same direction as Clair. Dylan is surprised he doesn't include an evil cackle just to finish it off._

_Later that night, during a video presentation of the future bride and groom, a short recording of Pandora and her second cousin caught in a scandalous situation interrupts the proceedings. It doesn't take Dylan a lot of effort to know who was behind the social destruction._

_When he reflects on it later, he realises how little he is prepared for the happenings of the Upper East Side and especially the devious thoughts that enter the mind of Charlie Trout. Charlie had no motive for the destruction of Pandora; it was simply enjoyable for him to see the girl fall from social grace. At least Clair Carlyle had a rationale, albeit a weak one at most. _

_No, Charlie Trout was a sociopath; taking pleasure in seeing those crumble down around him simply because he could. Dylan can only hope that he will not become an unwilling target._

* * *

><p>He wakes up to find Blair still asleep. Her head rests on his shoulders, his arm holding her tightly around her waist to keep her safe. He could sit like this forever, he thinks, and feels guilt at his selfish thoughts.<p>

She had actually opened up to him last night, and yet he couldn't help but think that she still seemed damaged. He doesn't blame her of course; she had lost so much in the past week and he didn't expect her to overcome everything so quickly. Dan sighs to himself softly; he had wanted to be the one to fix her and yet knew that he would never be enough.

A knock on the door wakes her up and he watches as she adjusts to the light of the morning.

'Is it just me or does the air in Brooklyn make you more drowsy?' she moans and he's smiles at her comment, recognising that she at least still has some of her snark in her.

The knocking at the door becomes more incessant and he has no choice but to go get it.

Serena is on the other side, her features full of worry.

'Have you seen Blair?' she asks in a huff.

'What's going on Serena?' Blair steps out with her voice full of concern, not sure if she can take any more bad news.

'I've been trying to call you all night,' Serena exclaims, and Dan doesn't miss the accusatory look she happens to direct his way. 'Chuck's awake,' she announces, 'he's asking for you.'

There are many ways one would think Blair would react in this situation. She had been waiting for this moment to happen since the accident. If you had asked Dan what he would have predicted Blair's response to be when Chuck woke up, he would answer with the words joy, shock, happiness. In Dan's mind, she would be running out the door, racing to get to the bed that holds her recovered epic love. But none of these things happen.

Blair simply turns and slowly walks to the door, her face void of all emotion. Her shoulders are slouched and she hasn't yet spoken a word. She looks as though she's heading towards her execution; every last breath counting.

Dan shares a glance with Serena, worry still etched on her face. He doubts his face looks any different.

Blair turns to him then, as soon as she reaches the door. 'Are you coming?' she asks him, her voice full of uncertainty.

She doesn't have to ask him twice.

* * *

><p>It's strange how being in a hospital can cause you to feel so many emotions. Dan thinks he's felt them all.<p>

He remembers visiting Serena after her near overdose; the victim of Juliette's outrageous plan to destroy her. He recalls the confusion flooding his mind, not believing that the girl he had previously dated and had known for over three years could just fall into old habits. These old habits were unfamiliar to him, however, and everyone was quick to remind him that he had not known her during her younger, wilder years. Still, he believed her when she told him she didn't know what happened, and sat beside her bed with an uneasy feeling.

He had felt elated when he witnessed the birth of Georgina Sparks' baby; a baby he thought was his. During the lead up to the birth, he had tried his best to be prepared to have a newborn in his life. But it was difficult to suppress the feeling of absolute fear and terror in having to be a father for the rest of his life. All this changed when he held Milo in his arms. He knew then that there was nothing more important than keeping that boy safe. He stills thinks of Milo; keeps him as a reminder that there is always hope.

It was only a short time ago that he had felt complete worry after Blair and Chuck's accident. The memory of hearing that Blair had been in a terrible accident makes his heart ache even now.

He doesn't know how to describe the feeling of walking towards Chuck's room. Blair holds onto Serena's hand while he follows, not taking his eyes off her frame. As they reach the room, Serena tells Blair to go in alone. She walks in, but not before looking back at him, nervousness evident in her eyes.

'Why was she at the loft?' Serena questions him as he observes Blair walk to Chuck's bedside.

'She came on her own accord Serena. I'm not going to turn her away,' he says with annoyance.

'I know you want to save her. You can't just be the knight in shining armour.'

'It's not about that Serena. It's...' he pauses, trying to figure out for himself why he can't let Blair go.

'What's it about Dan?' Serena pushes.

He watches as Blair takes Chuck's hard into hers from afar. 'She needed me,' Dan replies, and wonders if she will for much longer.

* * *

><p>When Serena had announced that Chuck was finally awake, Blair simply felt relief. She had expected more emotions, expected her heart to beat faster and for the deep emptiness she felt inside to be filled. But nothing changed, she was still damaged.<p>

She held onto Serena's hand tightly on the way to the hospital; afraid that if she let go then she'd run away. When Serena told her to go into Chuck's room alone, she felt frozen with fear. She had looked back before she entered and caught Dan's eyes briefly. She's surprised when she finds comfort in them.

Chuck is asleep when she walks in. She stands there awkwardly for a few moments until he slowly opens his eyes. They were always so in tune. The top of his head is wrapped with white gauze, a wound underneath she shudders to think about.

'Blair,' he manages to say, his voice croaky with dryness. He reaches out his hand and she instinctively places it in hers.

'How are you feeling?' she asks, not knowing what else to say.

'Better,' he replies simply. She doesn't know why she doesn't feel the same way. She still feels trapped; the guilt of the accident leaves a hole in her heart she thought would be gone at the sight of Chuck awake. But it feels larger now as she looks at Chuck in the hospital bed.

He seems younger somehow, reminds her of the boy she used to call her partner in crime. She wonders whether they ever really grew up.

A moment of silence passes through them. It feels uncomfortable, a feeling Blair has never previously felt in his presence before. With them there was always passion; a spark that would never seem to die out. There was never a moment together in which she had felt so much unease at she felt now.

'I love you,' he whispers to her, and she doesn't know why she can't find it within herself to say those simple three words back.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN**

I don't know if anyone is reading DB stories anymore after that disaster of a finale. If anyone is still reading; thank you, and i hope this story might be able to help ease the DB pain.

Let me know your thoughts by leaving a review.

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p><em>They get back together on a chilly autumn day with the brown leaves falling around them. Sabrina's arms wrap around his neck and he holds tightly onto her waist, pulling her as close as he can. She's perfect, he thinks to himself, and plans to never let her go.<em>

_The cause of Dylan and Sabrina's break up can be summed up with two simple words: Clair Carlyle._

_It was two weeks ago that Dylan found himself at an Upper East Side charity event. Such events were frequent, different charities coming to the forefront and quickly forgotten the next day. Surely it would be more beneficial if they donated the funds used to throw the party, Dylan thought. But it became evident that the charity events were really just an excuse for the elite to throw another extravagant party._

_The host of this particular occasion was none other than Clair's fashion designer mother, Eliza. It was held in their penthouse apartment, a stunning home that belonged in magazine spreads and within the minds of the world's most talented interior designers. _

_Clair Carlyle had invited him to her mother's party herself and he was too shocked to reject the offer. _

_She had also added that he should invite his friend Violet. He should have suspected an ulterior motive, but he had no reason to believe that the brunette had a vendetta against him or his recently returned best friend. So he agreed to bring Violet to Clair's mother's party, a decision he would later regret._

_Since Violet had returned from Vermont, Dylan found himself spending more time with his old friend. She reminded him of comfort and stability, which he found difficult to hold onto when falling into the immoralities of the Upper East Side. He had rarely discussed Violet with Sabrina though, trying to keep the two worlds separate._

_As soon as Violet and Dylan stepped off the elevator, Sabrina was immediately in front of him, flinging her arms around his neck like they hadn't only seen each other earlier that day. He hears Clair say, 'nice tie Brooklyn' sarcastically in passing; her way of welcoming him to her home. Sabrina offers a brief greeting to Violet and Dylan doesn't miss the jealous inflection behind her words._

'_So Violet,' Clair says with a sickly sweet voice, 'I hear you're a budding film maker?'_

_Violet looks nervous under the small brunette's gaze. 'Yeah, I guess that's my passion.'_

'_And how do you and Dylan know each other?' She questions with an intimidating tone._

'_We've known each other since childhood,' Violet replies uneasily as though she is in an interrogation._

_The silence that follows is painfully uncomfortable. Dylan immediately regrets bringing Violet to the party, feeling protective of his friend as she tries to avoid Clair Carlyle's threatening stares._

'_Actually,' Violet laughs awkwardly, attempting to break the silence. 'Dylan and I have a pact that his first novel will be my first movie.'_

'_Interesting,' Clair notes, stealing a glance from Sabrina. 'I'm sure it'll be a low budget masterpiece,' she adds with sarcasm._

'_Clair,' Sabrina says with a warning voice._

'_I really must go greet the other guests,' Clair says with a fake smile. 'Enjoy the party.'_

_Sabrina gives Dylan and Violet a tour of the apartment, weaving through the endless rooms. The apartment is excessively large and it takes them half an hour to do one lap of all the rooms. He sneers at the thought of the size of the upstairs area. He wonders how much of it Clair and her mother actually inhabit, the two of them the only occupants since her father left them for his male lover. He thinks of wasted rooms barely touched, and finds himself feeling sympathy for the girl who lives in the empty castle._

_He actually starts enjoying the party. He loses track of Sabrina after her descriptive tour as he and Violet take turns in guessing the hidden scandalous lives of the elite; an investment banker's cocaine addiction or a socialite's torrid affair with her husband's son from a previous marriage._

'_I'm just going to find Sabrina,' he tells Violet after realising that he hadn't seen his girlfriend for quite some time._

_He's able to find her in the kitchen alone. 'Where have you been?' he asks her pulling her in for a kiss._

_She's rigid in his arms and he's confused when she has a frown on her face. 'You seemed to be having too much fun to notice I was gone.'_

'_What are you talking about?' he asks with concern in his voice._

_They're interrupted by the sound of crashing plates coming from the living room. He steps out to find Violet on the floor, hair covered in what was originally an assortment of canapés. Clair Carlyle stands above her, a false innocent look on her face._

'_Oops,' Clair says in an exaggerated tone. He catches the smirk on her face when Violet quickly escapes through the elevator. Clair looks in his direction and he spots a nod that she gives to Sabrina._

'_Did you plan that?' he questions Sabrina angrily._

'_What?' she replies incredulously. 'No! I had nothing to do with that.'_

'_I saw the look Clair just gave you. You've been acting weird all night.'_

'_Maybe that's because my boyfriend would rather hang out with a girl that is clearly still in love with him, rather than his actual girlfriend!' _

_Clair comes up to them then and he feels anger surge inside him._

'_Your friend shouldn't be so clumsy,' she says with faux concern._

'_Clair, what did you do?' Sabrina asks her, irritation evident in her voice._

'_Don't put the blame on her Sabrina,' he accuses. 'You had it out for Violet all night.'_

'_I swear I had nothing to do with this,' she turns to her best friend, 'Clair, tell him!'_

'_It's not Sabrina's fault your hippie friend is so uncoordinated.'_

'_You know what?' he puts his hands up in exasperation, 'I hope the satisfaction of your little show was worth it. I'm going to find Violet.'_

_He waits for the excruciatingly slow elevator with his fists clenched. He had tried so hard to fit into the world of the Upper East Side since he fell in love with Sabrina. And although he had found it difficult at times, Sabrina had helped him adapt. He should have known that she was exactly like the rest of them._

_He feels Sabrina come up to him, 'Dylan, I didn't know Clair—'_

'_You surround yourself with these people Sabrina. You can't just refuse all the blame when they purposely hurt people like that,' he tells her with judgement in his voice._

_He watches the elevator close on her guilt-ridden face. He tries to forget that night and all traces of their short term relationship._

* * *

><p><em>Now in their second week of fighting, Dylan had concluded that he and Sabrina were officially over.<em>

_He's busy studying in the library when someone sits across from him. He's surprised to find Clair Carlyle interrupting his private study session._

'_You know we're in public right?' he asks her mockingly._

'_The library is hardly public Hunter,' she replies with a carefree voice. He tries to ignore her as memories of the party play out in his mind._

'_I've come here to apologise.'_

_He can't help the way his jaw drops at her words._

'_Sabrina had nothing to do with what happened to your friend at my mother's party,' she continues. 'I saw the opportunity and I took it. I don't regret it, but you shouldn't blame her for my actions.'_

'_Look Clair, I appreciate your concern but Sabrina obviously has something against Violet. And she didn't even try to talk about it to me so forgive me if I'm a bit cynical about her innocence in this whole thing.'_

'_Maybe if you gave her the chance to talk about her feelings regarding Violet, you two wouldn't be in this predicament,' Clair tells him with a roll of her eyes. 'The truth is... I've never seen Sabrina as happy as when she is with you. She's a better person when she's around you. She loves you Hunter, although I have no idea as to why.' _

'_I don't know Clair,' he replies with uncertainty. 'We're from two different worlds.'_

'_Then make your own world,' Clair pleads with him. 'She wants you Hunter, and I know you want her too. Don't give up on her.'_

_She gets up then, leaving him to his thoughts. She's right, he realises. Sabrina Von Sloneker could have anyone in the world, but she chose him. And although he can't change her past, he'd be a fool if he was going to give up on their future._

_They make up on a chilly autumn day with the cool air reddening their cheeks. He whispers apologies into her golden hair and holds her tightly, afraid she might let go._

_Clair Carlyle stands across the courtyard, a protective smile on her face._

* * *

><p>Blair falls onto her bed facedown with an exhausted sigh. Her talk with Chuck had been long and her heart feels heavy with guilt and unease. She doesn't know how or why her feelings for the supposed love of her life had changed. They were always supposed to be ChuckandBlair, BlairandChuck. She wonders when they actually became separate entities.<p>

Serena enters her room and she feels a dip in the bed beside her.

'How was your talk with Chuck?' Serena questions.

'It was exhausting,' she mumbles into her pillow.

'Are you guys okay?'

She turns to her best friend then, takes in a deep breath to calm herself down. 'Honestly... I don't know.'

Confusion takes over Serena's face as she asks, 'I thought you guys had decided to be together. What changed?'

'I thought that's what I wanted. I was so sure, but when you told me he was awake...' She finds it hard to find the right words to describe how she's feeling.

'Did Dan say something?' Serena interrupts her thoughts with an accusatory tone.

Blair's eyebrows knit together in surprise at the blonde's words. 'What? No, why would he say something about Chuck and me?'

'I don't know Blair,' she says with irritation. 'Why did I find you at the loft when Chuck was still in the hospital?'

'I needed someone to talk to. What are you implying Serena?'

'You couldn't talk to me? I'm your best friend and you've barely opened up since the accident.'

'I...' she pauses, taking in Serena's words. The truth is; she can't come up with a reasonable response. Serena is right, she could have easily gone to her best friend to discuss her feelings about losing the baby, Louis and nearly losing Chuck. But Blair had closed herself off to the blonde. She'd gone to Dan instead, felt comfortable in opening up to him about her thoughts and fears.

'I don't know when everything changed Serena.'

Serena looks at her with sympathy then. She reaches out and pulls Blair in for a hug. Blair holds onto her best friend like a lifeline, but she can't help the hesitation that jolts her heart from Serena's embrace.

* * *

><p>He hasn't seen Blair in a week. That isn't to say he hasn't spoken to her. In fact, she calls him every night, a new movie suggestion her first words before he even gets to manage out a greeting. It feels strangely familiar, talking to Blair while Woody Allen breaks the fourth wall in <em>Annie Hall<em>. Sometimes they discuss other things, such as his new book or her therapy sessions. He avoids the subject of Chuck though, and is apprehensively grateful when she doesn't bring the young billionaire up in conversation.

He's sitting on the couch, _A Clockwork Orange_ ready on his laptop when he hears the door open. Blair walks in, slowly scanning the room before her eyes rest on him. He doesn't miss the sigh of relief that escapes her as she walks towards him.

'Hey,' he says as she takes a seat on the couch next to him.

'I ended it with Chuck tonight,' she simply says, vulnerability in her tone.

He doesn't know how to reply to her so he keeps silent, waiting for her to continue.

'I tried, I really did. When he left the hospital, I thought everything would go back to normal. But it just kept on getting worse and worse.'

Dan leans forward towards her, 'What happened?'

'The miscarriage,' she says reluctantly. 'He said it was for the best. Like losing the baby was just another obstacle for us to overcome until we could finally be together.' She sniffs, trying to find the courage to carry on. 'I tried to get past everything. I really thought it would work this time.'

'You can't force it Blair.'

'I know. I just thought that it'd be easier,' she pauses, trying to decide whether she should continue or not. He takes her hand, encouraging her to open up. 'I just kept having this feeling that it was only a matter of time before the inevitable hurt and devastation... like everything we had was only temporary.'

'Do you still love him?' Dan questions her.

'I think I do,' she says with uncertainty. 'I mean, it's Chuck... it's always been Chuck. I don't know if I'm ready to get hurt again. But I don't want to lose him.'

'He'll wait for you,' Dan assures her and there's no doubt in his mind that Chuck will, in fact, wait and fight for the love of his life.

'I'm not sure I want him to,' she says so quietly that he questions whether she had said anything at all.

He's never wanted to tell her how he feels about her more than this moment. He stops himself though, recognising that it's not the right time. He wonders if there will ever be a right time. He knows she needs him; as nothing more than a friend. And he knows that if he were to tell her how he felt then they'd no longer be friends.

Ultimately, Dan Humphrey is addicted to Blair Waldorf. He's captivated by her snark, her passion, her vulnerability. And Dan knows that losing her forever would be far worse than having to settle for being merely her friend.

So he puts on _My Fair Lady_ for her and watches her as she mouths Audrey Hepburn's lines in unison.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary**

A story of how Blair loses everything, and how Dan helps her put herself back together.

Set after 5x10, following Blair and Chuck's car accident. Includes various excerpts from Dan Humphrey's _Inside_.

* * *

><p><em>Every year, both St Joes and Florence jointly hold an essay competition whereby all students are able to voluntarily enter by writing a paper on a particular pre-selected topic. Dylan had entered every year since he was a freshman. The winner not only went in the running to be published in <em>New York Magazine_ but the successful student was also able to read their essays aloud in front of several Ivy League representatives. Dylan had been shortlisted multiple times, but now that he was a senior, he knew he had a good chance of winning; ultimately aiding his chances in getting into Yale. _

_The topic this year was simply 'liberty'. He was excited to find out the topic. Dylan had always thought himself as a philosopher, so when the topic was given out to the class, thoughts of social contract and individual sovereignty filled his mind. He knew his essay had to stand out from the crowd, which he decided would be easy since the minds of the young rich students of both schools were all alike. They would simply write about human rights and democratic societies, he predicted. Dylan smiled at the thought that this would finally be his year. Although the essay competition was merely just something for the students to put on their school records, for Dylan it was a passion._

_He's walking through the aisles of the extensive combined St Joes and Florence library after grabbing Rousseau's _The Social Contract_ when someone comes up to him._

'_Hunter. Hand over that book now.'_

_He turns around to see an annoyed looking Clair Carlyle standing there with her arms on her hips and a scowl on her face. _

'_Huh?' he says in confusion._

'_Rousseau's book. Give it to me,' she demands, holding out her hand in expectation. He would probably have obeyed her orders in the past, but since he had started dating Sabrina and had had multiple conversations with her snarky best friend, he had become more comfortable in not listening to Clair's every demand. He was still afraid of her of course, he knew he would greatly regret it if he got on her bad side._

'_Clair, I'm sure there are other copies of the book. In fact, I'm sure you can afford your own original copy.'_

'_That's not the point Hunter. You're obviously planning to use it for the liberty essay.'_

'_And that's not allowed because...' he questions her mockingly._

'_Because I had the idea first!' She exclaims in the silent library. The librarian looks over at the both of them, ready to scold them for the outburst, but quickly decides against it when she sees that it is Clair Carlyle._

'_You can't claim you had the idea first Carlyle.'_

'_Why don't you just write about human rights and censorship?' she says with a faux sweet voice. 'It's very interesting.'_

'_Clair, you and I both know that practically every other student entering the competition is going to write about exactly that. I want to win.'_

'_Fine,' she concedes begrudgingly. 'I'll come up with a better idea. Besides a philosophical perspective on liberty is so obsolete.'_

_She walks away and he breathes a sigh of relief that he was actually able to win this battle._

'_Oh and Hunter,' she adds and he turns around to see a large smirk on her face. 'I look forward to reading out my winning essay while you compare it to your inevitable dull drabbles.'_

* * *

><p><em>Her warning ends up coming true. He's sitting in the courtyard combining St Joes and Florence staring at a certificate congratulating him on being shortlisted when Sabrina sits across from him.<em>

'_Congratulations!' she exclaims. 'I know you worked so hard on that essay.'_

'_I was shortlisted Sabrina. I didn't win,' he says with disappointment. He finds it difficult to be as excited as she could be at merely receiving a sheet of A4 paper with his name on it, which they printed incorrectly he might add. The large printed Dylan _Gunter _shouting out his failture._

'_Being shortlisted is a great achievement Dylan. Don't sell yourself short,' she provides with reassurance.  
><em>

'_Thanks Sabrina,' he says with a smile and leans forward for a kiss. She always had a way of cheering him up.  
><em>

'_Clair has been practicing non-stop for her reading tonight,' she tells him with annoyance. 'Since they announced the topic, she's been mentioning the essay every five minutes. I'm just glad it'll be over soon so we can finally go shopping.'  
><em>

'_Are you going to the reading tonight?'_

'_No, my mom and Abel are forcing us to have family bonding time. Besides, I think I know Clair's essay off by heart now.' Dylan laughs at the image of Clair reading out her essay in front of an extremely bored Sabrina._

'_She must be excited to read it in front of all the Ivy League representatives,' he adds._

'_To be honest,' Sabrina sighs, 'I think the person she wants most in the audience is her mother.'_

'_She's not coming?'_

'_Clair invited her and she gave some excuse about the hem of a dress having to be redone. Clair plays it off as though it's not a big deal but I know that she just wants Eliza to be proud of her for once.'_

_He ends up going to the essay reading that night. He tells himself that he's there simply because he's curious as to whether Clair Carlyle's essay is actually better than his._

_He watches as she scans the room before she utters a word, her eyes darting from row to row searching for her mother. He catches a flash of absolute dejection that momentarily graces her features when she realises that her mother is not present. Her brief sadness is masked promptly and she starts to read her essay with a plastered smile on her face. If he hadn't known that she was searching for her mother, he would have believed that smile to be genuine. He later wonders whether he actually witnessed her momentary vulnerability at all._

* * *

><p>Blair takes a cab home from Dan's loft in the afternoon. They had fallen asleep on the couch, which she found had become a common occurrence lately. She awoke to the scent of his waffles; a wakeup call she was growing to be accustomed to. She had left the loft which a much lighter heart than when she had entered and she can't help the nervousness that invades her mind when the cab crosses back into the city over the bridge.<p>

She enters her apartment with a sigh, hoping that Serena had not noticed her disappearance last night. As she's about to walk up the stairs, she finally notices the dark-haired figure waiting for her in the living room.

'Blair,' he says simply as his greeting.

She's frozen in place, shock rendering her unable to move.

'Louis,' she manages to let out as he stands and comes over to her.

'I can imagine you are shocked to see me.'

Her prince looks the same as the day she met him in front of a Manet painting in Paris. He looks exactly the same as the day he left her bedside at the hospital without a word. She had deserved as much, and she's speechless as he stands before her.

'I made a mistake Blair. I was so angry after you told me about you and Chuck.' He pauses, waiting for a reaction from her, but she finds herself unable to respond.

When she doesn't reply, he continues, 'I couldn't stop thinking about you. So I came to New York, even against my family's wishes. I came back for you.'

He's saying all the words she's ever wanted to hear. She had always dreamt of being a princess. And here is her prince, right in front of her, forgiving her for her countless betrayals. It's true love that ends in happily ever after.

'Louis,' she starts, trying to regain her composure. 'I...'

'I know I shouldn't have left so suddenly. If I can forgive you for what happened with Chuck, I'm sure you can forgive me for my hasty disappearance.'

She knows that what he's saying is fair. He had forgiven her for many worse things. But if she was being honest, there was nothing for her to forgive. He had run away after her confession, but ultimately it had been her goal.

'I have to have time to think about this Louis,' she responds finally.

'Of course, I'll wait for you,' he promises her and kisses her on the cheek as he leaves her alone with her thoughts.

* * *

><p>It takes half an hour for Dan to get to her apartment. He takes a cab instead of the subway, something about the tone of her voice telling him that he should find the quickest means possible to get to her.<p>

He knocks on her door, unsure of what will greet him on the other side. When she summons him in, he finds her at her vanity, putting on the finishing touches to her already perfect mask.

'Humphrey,' she starts and he finds it difficult to read her tone. 'It took you enough time to get here.'

'You only called me half an hour ago. I even took a cab.'

'Well now that you have a millionaire stepmother, I don't see why you don't get your own driver. Or better yet, move away from the crass dwelling you call a home.'

As much as he loves their banter, he recognises that she is being less than playful. She's avoiding his eyes, and walks around her room like she's looking for anything to distract her.

'What's going on Blair?'

She takes a deep breath, trying to keep herself composed.

'Louis visited me this morning.'

When Blair had called him over, Dan certainly did not expect this. She stops pacing around her room and stares at him intently, as though he would know exactly what to do in this predicament.

'What did he want?'

'He said he wanted me back. That he could put everything that happened with Chuck behind us.'

Her voice is unsure and he finds himself growing bitter at her words.

'You can't tell me you're actually giving his proposition any thought,' he says with irritation.

'I don't see why not.'

'Blair, you spent the last year questioning your engagement to him. What makes you think that this will be any different?'

'He's forgiven me for all the terrible things I've done. I owe this to him.' Her tone is pleading. It's the same voice she uses when one of her many schemes start going against her, as she tries to get herself out of a catastrophic incident. Dan can't help but feel that Louis' return is another catastrophic incident that Blair will never be able to get through.

'You don't love him Blair,' he tells her, trying to break through her delusional thoughts.

'It's not that simple Humphrey.'

'And what about Chuck?' he adds with exasperation. 'You're still in love with him.'

'You're supposed to be on my side!' Blair exclaims, not liking where their conversation is headed.

'I am on your side Blair,' he says more gently. 'You shouldn't settle for being in a loveless marriage.'

'Louis wants to be with me,' she says as though she's trying to convince herself that being with Louis is the only choice she has. 'Even after everything, he's still here.'

'Is that why you're choosing him? Because he makes you feel safe?'

'And what's so wrong about that Humphrey?' she replies with frustration. 'What's the point of being with someone if you're constantly afraid that they're going to leave or hurt you?'

'So you'd rather be with someone who you feel nothing for?' he asks incredulously. 'I can't watch you throw any chance of happiness away Blair,' he adds with irritation.

'Then leave,' she tells him with a dismissive tone, 'I don't need your judgemental superiority around me.'

He slams the door behind him as he leaves the room. He never looks back to see her face.

He knew she had always had her fairytale dreams. But since the accident, and Louis' cowardly disappearance, he had truly believed that she had moved past her unrealistic fantasies. It had taken him so long to get her to open up; he shudders to think that she would be so willing to digress back to the role of the princess.

So he leaves her apartment with frustration overcoming him. He cared about her too much to see her lose herself again to become the girl forever in the prince's shadow.


End file.
